


bang! a boomerang is love!

by magichistorian



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men (Movieverse)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Alternate Universe - Teachers, Charles You Slut, Humor, M/M, Misunderstandings, POV Outsider
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-23 04:37:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18147146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magichistorian/pseuds/magichistorian
Summary: Everyone knew Mr. Xavier and Mr. Lehnsherr hated each other's guts.Right?





	bang! a boomerang is love!

**Author's Note:**

> no beta, we die like men
> 
> enjoy

  
Professor Charles Xavier was the most gorgeous man ever. Nobody would admit it, but almost every student in his classes has admitted themselves that if the occasion arose, they would _absolutely_ date that man.

He was nice? (His endless optimism and desire to help was inhuman.)

He was intelligent? (He had to be pretty young, but he had what? 3 doctorates?)

His wardrobe might be reminiscent of an old man, but he pulled off the look, so nobody really minded.

He had to be perfect. And there was _no way_ he was single.

  
Erik Lehnsherr had to be the most terrifying man anyone had ever met. But he was pretty -scratch that- _very_ hot. (“The fear? That’s what makes him sexier.” One student had proudly explained.) Screwing up in his class was downright terrifying and he looked like a shark when he did smile, but he was, admittedly, a really great teacher. His class was actually fun, once you got used to him. (Though they were all still convinced that he could bend metal with those glares.)

But he was a huge loner. There was no way he would ever marry someone. His wardrobe consisted of -and apparently, only of- anything vaguely maroon in color and turtlenecks. Sometimes both at once. That had to be off-putting for any potential wife.

Right?

——

Most kids in Charles Xavier’s genetics classes could say with certainty that the class had turned out entirely different from what they were expecting.

(“When I first saw the class, I figured the teacher would be some wrinkly, old, bald man who got off on DNA models, to be honest,” Scott Summers has said.)

Nobody had expected a very attractive British man who could not be more than 30. He did, however, dress like an old man so Scott wasn’t entirely wrong. (And he wasn’t sure he could completely rule out the DNA model thing yet. He got a little too excited about that fancy model he had by his desk).

  
The students were still milling about, half sitting and the other half looming over then in clumps making chit chat. They all looked up when the door opened and watched a young man walk in.

“Is _that_ our teacher?”

“God I hope so, he’s gorgeous!”

“He looks like a fucking hug blanket in a sweater vest.”

He stood, smiling at the class as they all shuffled into seats.

“Good morning, everyone! My name is Doctor Charles Xavier, though you may just refer to me as Charles or Professor. This is...introduction to genetics, yes? I have a few different classes and I really do not want to give you the same work as my more advanced classes.”

He smiled again and half the class tried not to swoon.

“Well anyway, I’m going to pass the syllabus now. Or really, I am going to put them on someone’s desk and they are going to make sure it gets passed around. I don’t have the strongest legs, so I’m not going to stand up for too long if I can help it. Once everyone gets their syllabus, we can start going over it, ok?”

\-----

The next morning, they were not greeted with smiles but aggressive shouting.

“That isn’t always a possibility, Erik!”

“You can’t just hug it out all the time! You have to fight back. Not causing more problems doesn't solve existing ones. You need to be more aggressive.”

“Aggression turns people away. How are you going to get support with anger?”

“How am I going to change anything without anger?”

“You- oh, students. I’m sorry. We were just finishing up.”

Scott and Jean made eye contact. They looked back, and the two men were sharing an intense look.

“Yikes,” he mouthed. “Professor is _not_ a fan.”

Jean raised her eyebrow, her face clearly saying _you think_?

 

If Scott’s talks with his older brother told him anything, it was that those two had been like that since he was in their classes. Scott could tell. He figured they were constants, things that would make it through the apocalypse. Cockroaches, assholes, and Charles and Erik finding a way to argue about anything.

\-----

Erik Lehnsherr’s political sciences class was a very interesting class.

So was his engineering class.

And his elective metalworking class.

Erik Lehnsherr was also a very interesting man. And he had opinions.

He took absolutely no bullshit. He had a moral compass of titanium, and he was not afraid of shutting someone down if he didn't approve of them. One kid had made an inappropriate comment in reaction to a discussion of rape issues, and Erik had locked him out of the classroom.

(Honestly it was a wonder nobody’s stuffy, elitist parents had shown up and tried to sue him for thinking poor little Timmy would ever do anything wrong. It really was. That had not been a one time incident.)

This was also, of course, the inspiration of one of many arguments between him and the genetics professor.

(“Second chances, Erik!” “You can’t give second chances to people who don't use them for good.”)

For most students who had either of the teacher’s classes, watching them fight was a favorite pastime. Which classroom it would take place in depending on the day, and their topic of intense debate was always something different.

Charles would stand up to his full height (which really wasn’t all that much, especially compared to Erik), and glare. They would hold their strange eye contact, then whoever’s class they weren’t in would leave.

\----

Erik Lehnsherr was never late to class. Until he was, and a very unfamiliar young man around their age with strangely silver hair was lounging in their teacher’s chair.

“Ummm...who are you?” Kurt asked after a few minutes of students trickling that he scarcely bothered to notice.

“Peter.” He replied, with a look on his face like that was obvious, and that his response was an adequate response to his presence.

“Yeah? And?”

“Dad was having annoyingly loud sex right by my room, which makes it very hard to sleep, mind you, so I parked in his parking spot and am now going to sit here and see if it is possible to annoy him as much as he annoyed me this morning. Duh.”

The class sat dumbfounded for a moment until Jubilee asked the question everyone else seemed to have started to realize.

“Mr. Lehnsherr is your dad?” She gaped.

“Yeah,” He said, like that wasn’t the biggest thing to come out of someone’s mouth in that classroom.

“What the fuck?!” Seemed to be most everyone's reaction to that revelation.

“Mr. Lehnsherr has a wife?” Scott squeaked out.

“No. He did get frisky with some hot girl when he was still young and impressionable. She shows up to dinner every few months. It's kinda weird. But he’s got a husband now, and they’re noisy as fuck. Like damn, I don’t care about your gross puppy love, I need sleep!”

“What?!” Peter stifled a laugh. Grinning like this was some comedy show, rather than a college class.

The classroom door slammed open. “Peter!”

The kid looked up. “Hey, dad. Have a good time finding a parking space? I’m sure it was real annoying.”

Mr. Lehnsherr glared, and many students felt very nervous for Peter’s safety. But he barely flinched, choosing instead to smirk and lean back in his chair.

Apparently a childhood with Erik Lehnsherr builds up a decent immunity to terrifying glares.

“Peter.”

“What.”

“Out. I have a class.”

Peter rolled his eyes, but got up anyway and stomped out the door. Before he shut it, he poked his head in. “And if you wake me up again with your gross sex, I’m going to bring my new boyfriend over- the really buff one from Canada -and see how much sleep you get.” He winked and was gone.

Mr. Lehnsherr’s face was so red.

Half the class looked like they were going to have an aneurysm keeping in their laughter, while the other half looked like everything they had believed in was backward and inside-out.

Mr. Lehnsherr? WIth kids? And now a husband? That he has really loud sex with? That was really, really, really hard to believe.

\----

Around the same time, a gorgeous blonde woman interrupted Professor Hank McCoy’s class.

“Hey, Hank!”

He turned around, gaping. “Raven?”

She smirked. “Hey, Hank. Just stopping by, wanted to let you know Charles isn’t gonna be making it to your lunch date if he’s anything like he was when I left.”

“Why?” He frowned. “Was he sleeping in? He always gets up early, even on days when he doesn’t teach morning classes.”

“Yeah, but he always sleeps too much after a ton of sex.” She spoke like she was intending to keep her voice down, but really didn't care enough to make sure nobody could actually heat her.

The class perked up. _Nothing_ was more exciting than other people’s sex lives, especially when it's their teachers’.

“Wait…” Jean’s eyes widened. “Are you Charles’ wife?”

The whole class stared at the two women. She was hot enough.

Raven, instead of replying, burst into laughter. She continued into the laughter that was more gasping breaths than anything, bracing herself on professor McCoy’s desk.

“His...ha..wife?” She finally composed herself, standing back up. “God, no. I’m his sister.”

The class let out a breath. More than a couple people out of relief that their hopes weren’t completely dashed.

“Plus, Charles is way too into men for me even if we weren’t related.”

“WHAT?” Those girls’ hopes were re-dashed, and sprinkled with a little gasoline and topped with a lit match.

She burst into laughter again.

“God. You guys barely know Charles. He is the sluttiest little gay I have ever met.”

“Raven!” Hank spluttered out.

“Am I wrong?”

He looked away. “No,” he muttered. “But you shouldn't be so mean.”

“I’m not mean if I’m right. You all wanna hear some of his stands? Cause I had to be there for every damn one. Pretty sure there were more than three that one time senior year.” She made a sick face. “And he’s so loud!”

She rolled her eyes. “I don’t think I could tell you how many wild rumors I heard about him, and I’m sure quite a few were a lot more than rumor. Him sleeping with the whole tennis team in the coach’s office? The one guys ever seduced just by reading his dissertation? Oh, Charles.”

“Raven!” Hank finally coughed out, him spending the last 30 seconds looking like he really wanted Raven to stop talking, but had no clue how. “Spare your poor brother a little dignity!”

She rolled her eyes, but blew Mr. McCoy a kiss and left.

The entire class was a little bit in shock. Jean couldn’t help but find it really funny.

  
As soon as class was over, Jean snuck down to Professor McCoy’s desk. “Was she serious? Earlier?”

He sighed. “I wish she wasn’t. But Charles...he was pretty infamous during his college days. But you don't need to hear about it. He honestly wouldn't care, but I'd like him to have some bit of unsullied reputation.”

Jean giggled, still a little dumbfounded by the surprising revelations she had gotten about her seemingly innocent professor.

\--------

Not ten seconds after Jean burst into the library heading straight to their group’s study table, stage whispering as loud as she could (she was in a library, she wasn't a _neanderthal_ ) that they _Really need to hear this_ , Jubilee and Kurt burst in saying basically the same thing.

Scott and Ororo looked like they knew exactly what the two wanted, and Warren was sitting there, looking like he didn't know what anybody wanted (but he skipped morning classes, so that was understandable).

Jean and Jubilee played a mental game of ping pong, before she yielded, letting them go first.

“So we were in Mr. Lehnsherr’s class,” She giggled. “And this guy was there, and he was Mr. Lehnsherr’s son?”

“He has a son??”

“That's what I said! And you know why he was there? Because he woke him up with his loud sex! With his husband!”

Warren almost fell out of his chair and Jean was worried her jaw was going to disconnect from her jaw with the the speed her mouth dropped open.

“You should have seen his face when his son said he was going to pay him back with loud sex with a big man from from Canada!” Kurt added.

“Yeah!” Scott stood up. “I was there! Can you believe it? Mr. Lehnsherr is married! I was sure he was going to die an old maid!”

They all muttered in agreement.

“My turn!” Jean slammed her hands on the table. “I was in Mr. McCoy’s class, and this hot lady came into his class to tell him that...Mr. Xavier was too fucked out for their lunch date.”

“I knew it! Of course he’s got some bombshell wife!”

“Not quite.”

The others looked up. Jean basked a little bit in having all the tension. She was the only one in Mr. McCoy’s class, so she could hold out as long as she wanted.

“The lady is his sister. He's gay. And according to her, he's a slutty gay too. Like, really slutty. Like cheer captain that slept with the whole football team slutty.”

Scott had dropped his sandwich. Ororo looked like an overinflated balloon about to pop from the force of not laughing out loud. “No. Way.”

“Yes way. Came right out of her own mouth. And Mr. No-nonsense McCoy said it's true. Charles was pretty famous at Oxford apparently.”

(A few tables over, another small group of students were sitting in dumbfounded shock. ((Jean forgot to be quiet when the gossip was getting good)) One was wondering why their teachers couldn't be that interesting. Another was wondering how mad her parents would be if she dropped her classes and became a genetics major. The third was was smart, and was wondering if the two suddenly gay teachers that spent every free moment together -conversation topics obliging- were actually married to each other.)

\-----

A long lunch and a far less dramatic English period later, it was Charles’ class.

Jean, Ororo, Scott and Warren (who decided to show up where the drama was) walked to the class, worried he wasn't going to be there. He rarely missed a class, but who knows.

Luckily, it seemed he was recovered enough, as he was sitting in his chair as his normal self was wont to do.

“Ah, Jean, good morning! I read your paper- the one on the possibility of genetic mutations developing into superhuman abilities if controlled properly, and it was fascinating. If not a little reminiscent of a comic book of sorts.”

“Oh, good!” She squeaked out and almost ran to her seat.

“Subtle.”

“Fuck you.” Ororo chuckled.

“He's gonna think you like him or something.”

Jean flushed. “Ugh! No! It's just hard looking him in the eye after hearing about his sexual escapades!”

“Uh, my what?” The girls’ eyes both shot up to meet one Charles Xavier. Somewhere behind them Jean could faintly hear Scott and Warren losing their shits over the roaring in her ears.

Her mouth opened. She was pretty sure some undignified noise had escaped but she couldn't really tell. Was he going to kill her? She just wanted to graduate and have a nice life...maybe she should have taken Mr. Lehnsherr’s class instead, he was scarier but at least she could be sure there would never be any gossip to accidentally mention in front of him. Wait. Not even him! Her friends had told her that drama from his morning class. She was safe nowhere. She should just move away. Canada or somewhere. Maybe an abandoned island off the eastern coast of Africa. Then nobody could ever overhear her gossiping about them ever again. That was a great-

“God dammit, Raven!” Professor Xavier rolled his eyes. “What did Raven tell you guys this time?”

Jean blinked. He really didn't sound all that worried about it.

“Honestly, whatever she told you was probably true.” He grimaced. “Just...don't make a big deal about it, ok? I like my job and I'm tired of Erik telling me how irresponsible I am.”

“O-okay.”

“Good!” He smiled, and walked off as if nothing had happened.

\----

It took maybe two hours for half the campus to find out.

\----

Jean could have been done then and there. She could have died that day and been happy, knowing she would never hear so much drama in less than a week in the rest of her life. But she didn't die, which, in retrospect, was very good. Because the drama was definitely not over.

  
It was two days later.

Nothing particularly exciting had happened in the classes, but both Erik and Charles were pleasantly surprised at how much less talking was happening during lessons. (Of course, they didn't realize it was because they were all too busy attempting to imagine who Erik’s husband was, and what kinky things Charles did).  
During lunch everyone laughed at Scott when he offered the possibility that maybe, Charles was Erik’s husband? They had considered for a second. Charles was into men, and Erik did have a husband. But they all laughed it off. They hated each other. That idea was hilarious, but totally impossible.

Totally.

Then it was Charles’ class. Warren had started showing up more to everyone’s delight. All the students were seated and getting out all of their things when Erik Lehnsherr walked in.

He had a look on his face that made him look distinctly not like Erik Lehnsherr. Something mild. Sheepish, maybe.

One of the skills he had that Charles did not was being conspicuous. If Charles’ sister was anything to go by, it ran in the family.

Erik had his back to them so they could neither hear him nor read his lips. (Yes, some of them had developed that skill. Gossip was a serious business.)

Going from their professor’s face, he was annoyed at the other for something.That was not a surprise. Mr. Lehnsherr’s lack of angry rebuttals was.

Then Charles shifted to something less angry and more amused, and then something that might be described as fond.

They said a few more words, then CHarles smiled a very warm smile, and Erik left.

What the fuck.

Jean and Ororo exchanged confused looks.

“Sorry about that, everyone!” Charles picked up some papers and straightened the stack. “Erik was incredibly late for dinner last night, and I guess I made him feel bad enough to apologize again this morning.”

He got up to pass out the sheets, but froze at the faces of his entire class.

“What?” He laughed. “Is something on my face?”

“Why on earth,” Warren blurted, “would you go to dinner with someone you hate?”

  
Charles looked very confused. “Why would I hate him?”

The class looked at each other with faces that said something about the idea of _what the holy fuck is he actually talking about_?

“What the holy fuck are you talking about?” Someone voiced what they all really wanted to ask.

Charles spluttered, still confused. “Why would I marry someone I hate?”

The entire room erupted in shouts of disbelief, smacks of hands smalling down on the desks, and Scott Summers’ very loud and very triumphant, “Told you so!”

The class eventually quieted down, enough at least for Charles’ “You mean you guys didn’t know?” to be audible.

He was answered with a very loud “No!” (it was very impressively synchronized.)

He lifted his hand to show off a pale glint on his finger. “I have a ring. And I know Peter told you guys a few days ago when Erik was late that he was married. You really mean to say you had no idea? We come together every day.”

They definitely had no idea.

Eventually he got the class calm enough to focus on the lesson, but few of them remembered much.

And later, when Jean and the others burst into the library to tell the poor souls that didn't have Charles’ class the story, Kurt and Jubilee were so shocked the librarian kindly kicked them all out.

It took less than 2 hours for the entire school to know.


End file.
